Not _that_ Snooky

Everybody tells me Special Effects makes the best dyes, so I headed to Canada's biggest buyer of them to check it out.  They were almost entirely out of stock.  "Yeah," the guy said, "they're surfers, so sometimes they just take off for a few months to go surfing. The secretary there just has to keep telling people they're out of stock, and they might get more next week. But they won't." He probably said "bohemian lifestyle" too, but I was too busy being disappointed that my hair won't glow under black light to listen.

I wish

Oh, yeah, uh, great idea, Edmonton, but where the hell am I supposed to get a horse?

Just need the Evil Goatee

In Japan they said I looked like Harry Potter, presumably because I was a white kid with brown hair and glasses. But with this new hairstyle..... well, I am beginning to consider using my powers for Evil.

Rebranding

Is there really someone looking for Peppermint tea who can't guess what's in "Purely Peppermint"?

You'd be shocked at the state of things.

My job is pretty much the best job.

Um

Right, no, I see where you're coming from, but this is definitely not a picture of "pixies frolicking", Google.

Well, that's disappointing

Okay, pitchfork, I guess I'll take your word for it.